Then and now...

2002 to 2009, and counting

7 years – 2555 days – 61320 hours – over a million emotions. Last 7 years have been the most significant years in my life… I can trace the journey with such immense clarity that I surprise myself with all the details I can recollect. 7 years ago I started my undergrad, and since then, it has been one roller-coaster experience. It’s amazing how little I can remember till I started undergrad, and how much I remember after I started it! It’s probably because of the routine, mundane, archaic old lifestyle till then – either school-home-school or college-home-college. I never liked either of it too much, school had this demon-in-disguise called ‘homework’ (which I always did in the last possible minute – either at the breakfast table, in the bed or sometimes even in the car on my way to school!) and junior college had another monster called ‘weekly tests’.

I was happy to leave both of them behind once I entered undergrad. It was a completely new experience for me, away from home, independent for the first time in my life, in a place which was tucked away from the rest of the world and was a microcosm of the world in itself. That place transformed the reserved and guarded girl in me into a free-spoken and spirited person (or so I would like to believe), and how! The four and a half years taught me just not academics, in fact academic achievement was probably the least important of it all. It taught me how to think - independently and intelligently, how to care – honestly and whole heartedly, how to laugh – even at myself, in all, how to live – simply and responsibly. I got to know me for the first time ever, got to know my flaws, my limitations, and also start trying to accept them and if possible change them. I had to decide for myself what I liked to do, without my parents or family to guide me, which had a unique feel to it.

If I am to compare the 'me' of 'now' to the 'me' of 'then' (before 2002), there are some very amusing realizations which dawn on me. Then, I would run to mommy to ask what to wear when going out. Now, I pick out what she has to wear when going out. Then, I would ask my parents if it was okay to participate in a small, little extra-curricular event. Now, I tell them in brilliant detail about my endless pursuits. Then, I would wonder if I would ever ask dad to buy me a book apart from my text books. Now, I cannot sleep without at least flipping a couple of pages from my current read. Then, the concept of doing up your place was to paint the walls white. Now, I painstakingly design every nook and corner of my place. Then, friends meant a large group of people I met at school or college and forgotten later. Now, friends mean those select few with whom I share my pains and joys. Then, Mom was someone who cared for me the most. Now, in addition, Mom is my best friend, my counsel, my support and the person I love the most - unconditionally. Then, taking a decision meant deciding to ask my parents about something. Now, taking a decision comes with the knowledge that my parents will support me because they believe in me. Then, I was an ardent supporter of ‘love at first sight’ and believed in it. Now, the love I believe in is that which grows with the relationship, and not something assumed at the beginning of any relationship. Then, gaining acceptance in the society was important for peaceful existence. Now, I realize that gaining acceptance is important, but only by your family – societal acceptance is immaterial.

As I bid 2009 a very cheerful farewell [:)], I realize with a ‘happy heart’ that the journey between then and now is something which will not have an end. The ‘now’ of today is the ‘then’ of tomorrow, and tomorrow when I trace this journey again, I will hopefully still retain the ‘happy heart’ of today. Like they say, it is not the final discovery, but the process which is more fun. What started in 2002 will hopefully go on strong for years to come.